After doing some thinking, looking over my resolutions, and reading some helpful comments, I think I'm going to combine my categories of resolutions so that I go from 8 to 5. Five seems manageable. You can count them on one hand, and being able to do things with one hand is no small feat when you are chasing a toddler.
If you don't know what I'm talking about, you may want to start here.
Ok, so I began with these eight categories in my life: physical, emotional, intellectual, marital, parental, social, organizational, and career.
First, I decided to eliminate emotional. After all, isn't my entire happiness project one big emotional goal? I created the category so I could put down goals like, "Don't complain" or "Don't criticize" (thereby ignoring every rule about phrasing things positively - whatever), but I don't think I need this anymore. And let's face it, those things can easily go into the marital or social categories.
Next, I decided to combine my career goals with my intellectual goals. Becoming a better teacher is usually about learning some new technique, rethinking some unit of curriculum, etc., so that's clearly intellectual. Right now I'm taking a required distance learning course in order to get my next level of certification, for example, and this could be the intellectual goal. It will bump "Read Newbery books" off the list, but I obviously need no smiley faces on my resolution charts to get me to read. Reading is what keeps me from getting everything else done!
Finally, I figured I could combine marital and parental into one category of family. Right now my parenting goals mostly involve making sure SP eats something besides crackers, so I can probably manage to work on that without putting it on the list, though I do like putting a smiley face somewhere if I get him to eat anything green. How do they just KNOW when something is a vegetable?? I don't understand it, but I figure it might be a survival instinct we are born with and that someday scientists are going to tell us that vegetables are actually killing us slowly. Then all the kids will say, "SEE?? We TOLD you!"
But I digress.
That brings my list down to physical, intellectual, family, social, and organizational. The organizational one is temporary, too, since I hope to actually finishing decluttering my house...you know, ever.
So I'm going to try managing with just five - that's one per weekday and time to catch up on the weekend - and see how it goes.
My Christmas wish list
My dear brother asked me last month what I wanted for my birthday, and I came up with three ideas before I finally settled on what would be a reasonable one. Why was it so hard to come up with a suggestion? Everything I could think of that I wanted was either a) for my son (ha!) or b) way too expensive. The solution should have been to tell him that I didn't need a gift because he was the best brother ever just for giving me the chance to ask for something, but clearly I'M NOT THAT NICE. So we traded emails for a while before I told him I'd love a subscription to Real Simple.
But now MommyBrain and SupahMommy have asked me to go on a virtual shopping spree, and here I get to say what fabulousness I would buy if it were on someone else's tab (and I wouldn't feel guilty about it). I think the idea was to get new clothes, accessories, etc., but I'm in need of Stacey and Clinton's help for that one, so here are my nonbeauty items that I'm currently coveting...
1) The Nook. I was wanting a Kindle desperately after my friend Katie showed up here sporting her new one, but then I saw the email from Barnes & Noble for their new e-reader -- IN COLOR. Joy! I've had an ebook in the past and liked it, though I did miss the feel of an actual book. But having an eReader that could let me travel with less luggage would be amazing, and being able to download a new book from anywhere? How did I ever live without this capability?? Since I make regular trips to the library with The Toddler, I have NO NEED of this. But that's hardly the point, right?
2) A new washer and dryer. I want a front-loading washer to save money and water, and a dryer that has a moisture-sensor that will turn off when the load is dry. Having them on pedestals would be incredible, but with the built-in cupboards we have over our machines in the laundry room now, may not be feasible. And ripping out build-in cupboards is far beyond my DIY capacity. So I'll settle for the shiny new appliances just on the ground.
3) A four-bedroom house. What, I can't buy a house? There are no rules to this shopping spree, are there? Since I live so far from most of my nearest and dearest, we are in need of a guest room that doesn't double as an office (or a someday second child's room). There are many things about the house we're in that I currently love, but the lack of guest room is going to cramp everyone's style when the next Rasler makes an appearance. Sure this is still in the hypothetical stage, but a girl can dream of a new house anyway. Other qualities I want: a laundry room that isn't next to a baby's room (having it on the second floor seemed so brilliant before he was born!), a backyard that opens out into enough space to watch munchkins play on the lawn, and a window seat. A bigger house would also give me room to buy a piano, which wouldn't ever fit in our current living room. This house already has everything else I love, including a great neighborhood (and great neighbors!), so if we could move to a house like this, say, down the street, that would be stellar.
4) Speaking of lawns, I'd also like a gardener (one who looks like this? Bonus!). No, I'm not trying to buy a whole person, but having someone come in, landscape the place, and then maintain it would be a dream come true. My husband and I hate yardwork, but we also hate how the yard looks when we try to pretend it isn't there. Every two months or so, we'll get all pseudo-committed, buy a bunch of products and plants and whatnot, work vigorously for one Saturday, and then leave it all to die by the wayside. It's not a pretty sight, and it's a good thing our neighbors like us.
5) Finally, I have my eye on a Ford Escape Hybrid. Trying to get a toddler in and out of my beautiful blue Camry has been difficult lately, especially for my husband who is 6'1". And if there is a toddler and another one at some point? Forget it. Yes, I like not having a car payment, and it's not clear whether a hybrid SUV can save me money on gas compared to my economical sedan, so if the shopping spree fairy could give me the money to buy this car outright, I'm all over it.
Now you see why I had no ideas to give my poor brother, right?
But...Santa, are you listening??
Now you see why I had no ideas to give my poor brother, right?
But...Santa, are you listening??
One (small?) change
My happiness project has stalled out a bit, and I'm trying to take another look and see what's working and what isn't.
Working on so many different resolutions is definitely not working. I have a hard time just deciding on one thing to do each month. By that logic, I thought I'd never get to most of them! So I chose one for each arena of my life, which ended up being eight different ones for each month. Am I crazy? Yes. Yes, I am. Acknowledging the insanity and moving on.
I put the eight categories into a table, typed the specific resolutions for each one into the boxes, and put a smile in the box next to the day of the month if I worked on that particular goal. At the end of the month, if I feel I didn't do a good job on that resolution, I repeat it for the next month, and try to figure out why it didn't work.
For example, I made a resolution to play with my cats more because they seem a bit perplexed and unloved, both standoffish and needy, ever since The Baby arrived. Now that he is The Toddler, they are even more wary of being in the same room with us until he goes to sleep. So I felt like a bad parent and wanted to play with them more instead of just shooing them off the bed and collapsing into it. After an entire month, I had only done it twice. TWICE. I know, you want to adopt my cats because you are now sure I am no good for them. But they do play with each other, so it's not like I'm making them live alone in a dark closet. A little sympathy? Ok, I know, you're still wondering what's wrong with me.
Well, it turns out that what was wrong was that the toys are all upstairs, and usually I am with the cats downstairs at the end of the day. By the time I go upstairs, I'm getting ready for bed and don't feel like playing. I'd moved their toys upstairs for a good reason - so The Toddler wouldn't get into them - but it was making it hard for me to keep my resolution at the end of a long, busy day. So I made two changes: I moved a handful of cat toys downstairs and stored them out of Toddler reach, but still easy to grab. I also head upstairs earlier each evening so I have some energy left for teasing cats with long strings (this is also great for helping me keep my get enough sleep resolution this month).
So I've discovered a deeper truth about myself and resolutions: if there's any logistical barrier, however small, it will keep me from getting it done. The key is to find ways to overcome these, and usually a small change makes a big difference.
Back to the problem of too many resolutions, well... I'm having a hard time giving up on that idea of working on more than one area of my life at once. Maybe the key is just to eliminate a category or two. Will this be another small change with a large effect? I hope so.
Which aspect of my life is least important at the moment? My career is certainly on the backburner, but the part of me that resists referring to myself as a stay-at-home mom won't allow me to delete this one, at least not this month. So what else to cut out? Here are my categories: physical, emotional, intellectual, marital, parental, social, organizational, and career. Perhaps I can combine some of these, at least for this month.
Thoughts welcome, and I'll think about it more and let you know what I've come up with.
*If you'd like to see my resolution chart or effective habits charts, feel free to leave a comment and I'll find a way to send them to you.
Working on so many different resolutions is definitely not working. I have a hard time just deciding on one thing to do each month. By that logic, I thought I'd never get to most of them! So I chose one for each arena of my life, which ended up being eight different ones for each month. Am I crazy? Yes. Yes, I am. Acknowledging the insanity and moving on.
I put the eight categories into a table, typed the specific resolutions for each one into the boxes, and put a smile in the box next to the day of the month if I worked on that particular goal. At the end of the month, if I feel I didn't do a good job on that resolution, I repeat it for the next month, and try to figure out why it didn't work.
For example, I made a resolution to play with my cats more because they seem a bit perplexed and unloved, both standoffish and needy, ever since The Baby arrived. Now that he is The Toddler, they are even more wary of being in the same room with us until he goes to sleep. So I felt like a bad parent and wanted to play with them more instead of just shooing them off the bed and collapsing into it. After an entire month, I had only done it twice. TWICE. I know, you want to adopt my cats because you are now sure I am no good for them. But they do play with each other, so it's not like I'm making them live alone in a dark closet. A little sympathy? Ok, I know, you're still wondering what's wrong with me.
Well, it turns out that what was wrong was that the toys are all upstairs, and usually I am with the cats downstairs at the end of the day. By the time I go upstairs, I'm getting ready for bed and don't feel like playing. I'd moved their toys upstairs for a good reason - so The Toddler wouldn't get into them - but it was making it hard for me to keep my resolution at the end of a long, busy day. So I made two changes: I moved a handful of cat toys downstairs and stored them out of Toddler reach, but still easy to grab. I also head upstairs earlier each evening so I have some energy left for teasing cats with long strings (this is also great for helping me keep my get enough sleep resolution this month).
So I've discovered a deeper truth about myself and resolutions: if there's any logistical barrier, however small, it will keep me from getting it done. The key is to find ways to overcome these, and usually a small change makes a big difference.
Back to the problem of too many resolutions, well... I'm having a hard time giving up on that idea of working on more than one area of my life at once. Maybe the key is just to eliminate a category or two. Will this be another small change with a large effect? I hope so.
Which aspect of my life is least important at the moment? My career is certainly on the backburner, but the part of me that resists referring to myself as a stay-at-home mom won't allow me to delete this one, at least not this month. So what else to cut out? Here are my categories: physical, emotional, intellectual, marital, parental, social, organizational, and career. Perhaps I can combine some of these, at least for this month.
Thoughts welcome, and I'll think about it more and let you know what I've come up with.
*If you'd like to see my resolution chart or effective habits charts, feel free to leave a comment and I'll find a way to send them to you.
Taming the green-eyed monster
This past week I've been thinking about another major obstacle to my happiness: envy. I have always struggled with that pesky last commandment about not coveting what others have. Although I would never want to trade entire lives with someone, it wouldn't really hurt to have a nice house like this friend or a sweet part-time job like that friend, right?
I especially hate when someone has what I want as a result of luck. My confession: I spent way too long being jealous and bitter at people who got pregnant on the first try (or without trying) when I couldn't. I had to bite my tongue to keep from pointing out how lucky they were and how they should be appreciative of it (and probably some of them remember that I didn't always bite the words off before they escaped my mouth. Many apologies to those dear friends).
Fortunately that particular difficulty resolved itself, but the battle with envy remains. Though I'm getting better about not complaining about the unfairness of whatever situation I'm fixated on at the moment and how others have it so much better than I do, I still think about it. A lot. Too much.
Then I read this brilliant quote by a guest blogger on The Happiness Project:
The happiest people seem to be very focused on whatever they are doing.
Unhappy people seem to be very focused on what other people are doing.
Yes! I wish I'd thought to put it so succinctly, but I'm going to remember it and remind myself of it whenever I wish for something I don't have.
What I can't change:
Life isn't fair.
I don't always get what I want.
There will always be people who do have what I want.
What I wouldn't want to change:
The charmed life I currently have. I often tell my husband that we must have done something seriously right in a previous life to be so fortunate in this one.
What I can change:
I can focus on what I'm doing and look to others only insofar as it helps me reach my goals. Sometimes people get somewhere by luck, but often it's by making choices that are different from mine. If I want a house with four bedrooms or a part-time teaching job with my mom babysitting while I'm working (you don't mind, right, Mom??), I need to work toward those goals or accept the choices that I make instead.
I have trouble with goals that focus just on attitude adjustments, though. I'm going to have to DO something in order to distract myself from those envious thoughts. I hope that when that monster rears its ugly head I'll take it as a reminder to review my Resolutions chart and refocus.
I especially hate when someone has what I want as a result of luck. My confession: I spent way too long being jealous and bitter at people who got pregnant on the first try (or without trying) when I couldn't. I had to bite my tongue to keep from pointing out how lucky they were and how they should be appreciative of it (and probably some of them remember that I didn't always bite the words off before they escaped my mouth. Many apologies to those dear friends).
Fortunately that particular difficulty resolved itself, but the battle with envy remains. Though I'm getting better about not complaining about the unfairness of whatever situation I'm fixated on at the moment and how others have it so much better than I do, I still think about it. A lot. Too much.
Then I read this brilliant quote by a guest blogger on The Happiness Project:
The happiest people seem to be very focused on whatever they are doing.
Unhappy people seem to be very focused on what other people are doing.
Yes! I wish I'd thought to put it so succinctly, but I'm going to remember it and remind myself of it whenever I wish for something I don't have.
What I can't change:
Life isn't fair.
I don't always get what I want.
There will always be people who do have what I want.
What I wouldn't want to change:
The charmed life I currently have. I often tell my husband that we must have done something seriously right in a previous life to be so fortunate in this one.
What I can change:
I can focus on what I'm doing and look to others only insofar as it helps me reach my goals. Sometimes people get somewhere by luck, but often it's by making choices that are different from mine. If I want a house with four bedrooms or a part-time teaching job with my mom babysitting while I'm working (you don't mind, right, Mom??), I need to work toward those goals or accept the choices that I make instead.
I have trouble with goals that focus just on attitude adjustments, though. I'm going to have to DO something in order to distract myself from those envious thoughts. I hope that when that monster rears its ugly head I'll take it as a reminder to review my Resolutions chart and refocus.
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