I have lost count of the number of times I've heard it this year. "Let's just do gifts for the kids." And every time I am shocked, dismayed, speechless. What? Since when is Christmas just for children?
These are not easy times for most people, I know that. Everyone is trying to squeeze as much out of their budgets as possible, including us. If I don't impose spending limits on myself for each and every recipient on my Christmas list, I end up spending twice as much and eating things like macaroni and cheese for most of January.
But still. Only the kids get presents this year? Am I the only person who objects??
My husband asked me if Christmas was "only about the presents" for me when we had the discussion about whom to include on our list and how much to spend. After I sputtered for a while that it was about much more than presents, I tried to explain that I wouldn't even care (too much) if I didn't receive any gifts, but I didn't see why I couldn't buy or make gifts for the adults, too. I happen to like my friends, siblings, and other relatives just as much (or more) than I like their children, and I don't see why I shouldn't be able to do something special for them as well. Doesn't everyone enjoy gifts? Ok, no, some people don't. They find them a waste of money and usually don't get what they want or need. I won't name names here. But most people do like gifts, even if they are small and/or homemade. In fact lots of people like that kind the best.
I can't even picture what the Christmas trees at the various family parties will look like this year. Decorated and sparkly, sure, but mostly empty underneath. I come from a huge family, and the Christmas Eve pile at my grandparents' house is usually pretty impressive. Not this year. There are a handful of children doing an exchange, and everyone else has agreed not to do gifts. I understand, I do, but deep down I hate it.
I think the idea of outgrowing Christmas is depressing. I may be a lapsed Catholic, but I'm pretty sure I learned that Christ was born for all of us. And even if you don't go for the religious angle, everyone is in need of some thoughtfulness, especially if times are tough. It's true that I can sleep through the night on Christmas Eve (something that was particularly upsetting to me the first time it happened, as though now I was finally, sadly a grown-up about Christmas), but I still get that thrill when I wake up and realize what day it is and head for the stocking I just know will be stuffed with all kinds of fun goodies from my family.
This year I went along with it (mostly) in order to keep from making people uncomfortable. But this is my fair warning - a year in advance - that I'm going to refuse from now on. I'm going to buy or make gifts for anyone I want, regardless of age. I'm happy to do something free if the money thing will make people uncomfortable, but I don't want my son to grow up thinking that the holiday is all about him, but only until he is 18.
And no, I don't believe my parents or in-laws who say that we are still their "kids" so they can still get us presents. No need for the loophole or rationalization. We are not kids.
And Christmas is for all of us.
Sleep deprivation
Lack of sleep is currently responsible for the (temporary?) destruction of my resolutions, effective habits, and overall mood. I am never surprised in moments like these to recall that sleep deprivation is used as a means of torture and mind control.
Though our trip back to Michigan for the holidays was wonderful, it resulted in now nearly two weeks of interrupted nights courtesy of our toddler who had difficulties adjusting to the time zone each way, and is just generally having a hard time putting himself back to sleep without shouting about it multiple times a night. I know there are people out there (like my next-door neighbors who just brought home a newborn) who have to actually get up when their child cries and who are probably more exhausted than I am. I don't even know how to express my sympathy to those people because really - I NEED my full night's sleep. Even more than 3 or 4 hours uninterrupted would feel like bliss right now.
Even with monitor turned off, the mid-night cries of my son have yanked me out of a sound sleep for too long now, and if one more cat jumps on my head to demand to be fed at five in the morning, I might go seriously off the deep end.
If anyone knows how the fathers among us can sleep through the vast majority of this, let me know. I read an article about how it may not be their fault; they're just not programmed that way. I am no less annoyed.
I am fortunate enough to not be teaching this year, because I'm not sure that I could handle a classroom full of holiday-crazed children with any amount of patience right now.
Really, I have no patience for any of the Christmas cheer going on these days, which more than anything else tells me that it's getting close to time for drastic measures. Like sleeping in the guest room with our loudest fan. Or a hotel. I'm considering it.
Though our trip back to Michigan for the holidays was wonderful, it resulted in now nearly two weeks of interrupted nights courtesy of our toddler who had difficulties adjusting to the time zone each way, and is just generally having a hard time putting himself back to sleep without shouting about it multiple times a night. I know there are people out there (like my next-door neighbors who just brought home a newborn) who have to actually get up when their child cries and who are probably more exhausted than I am. I don't even know how to express my sympathy to those people because really - I NEED my full night's sleep. Even more than 3 or 4 hours uninterrupted would feel like bliss right now.
Even with monitor turned off, the mid-night cries of my son have yanked me out of a sound sleep for too long now, and if one more cat jumps on my head to demand to be fed at five in the morning, I might go seriously off the deep end.
If anyone knows how the fathers among us can sleep through the vast majority of this, let me know. I read an article about how it may not be their fault; they're just not programmed that way. I am no less annoyed.
I am fortunate enough to not be teaching this year, because I'm not sure that I could handle a classroom full of holiday-crazed children with any amount of patience right now.
Really, I have no patience for any of the Christmas cheer going on these days, which more than anything else tells me that it's getting close to time for drastic measures. Like sleeping in the guest room with our loudest fan. Or a hotel. I'm considering it.
Gratitude
"I've got
money in my pocket
I like the color of my hair
I've got a friend who loves me
got a house
I've got a car
I've got a good mother
and her voice is what keeps me here
feet on ground
heart in hand
facing forward
'be yourself'
~Jann Arden, "Good Mother"
'Tis the week to be as thankful as possible, and I happened to be listening to this song as I was thinking about what my "Thankful Four" list would be, prompted by MommyBrain and SupahMommy. Doesn't this pretty much say it all? I think so, but then again, this blog post would be too short. So I used the song as my starting point, and here are the four I've narrowed down as the best gifts I've been given in life.
1) Family. You know from this post how big and wonderful and important my family is. The value of this in my life simply can't be overstated. I told my husband once (who is more or less from a family of three) that being part of my family meant that we will never go hungry or be homeless unless we are too proud to ask for help. There will always be someone who will take care of us until we can get back on our feet. My family will always mean good advice, loud laughter, delicious food, and a place in the world. I cannot think of any better gift I can give my son than that of belonging to this bunch of incredible people, and knowing that no matter what might happen to my husband or me, he will still be as surrounded by love and joy as I was. Of course he and his daddy are my nearest and dearest family, without whom I would have almost no reason to get out of bed.
2) Health. Do you ever think about your throat? I don't, unless it is wickedly sore, and then I think about it all the time. In general, though, it just goes about its business so I can go about mine, and is more or less unappreciated. The same goes for every part of my body, because as far as I can tell they're all working just fine (except for my eyes which require contacts, but we had a discussion about it and I've forgiven them). Every single time I get sick, know someone who is sick, or even read a story online about someone who is sick, I get teary and beyond grateful that my loved ones and I are all healthy, even if it is only for this fleeting moment.
3) Education. Of course I'd be grateful for this, given that I'm a teacher. What I mean is that I'm thankful for the education that I've been given, both in and out of classrooms, because that can never be taken away. I'm also incredibly fortunate to have been trained in a career that is pretty hard to outsource. I'm fairly confident that people will always want their ten-year-olds to go to school with teachers who are with them in person. In this new world and scary economy, that's no small gift. Finally, I appreciate the education my husband has and his brilliance because it has given me the opportunity to be home with my son as much as I want.
4) Imperfection. I thought about this last one for a long, long time. As I pondered the "be yourself" part of the song above, I realized that I am grateful for my character flaws because I need the challenge to be a better person. I appreciate the obstacles in life because they have helped me to connect with people I might otherwise have passed by with just a smile and nod, and given me some incredible friends. I'm grateful for the rain so that I smile in delight when the sun comes out {really, I couldn't stand L.A. It feels so fake}. I'm thankful that my husband and I argue once in a while so we can put forth the extra effort of being kind and have a fresh start at this crazy marriage thing.
"Screws fall out, the world's an imperfect place." That's not always such a bad thing.
-----
My aunt and uncle do "thankful fors" every night with my cousins, and when the kids were here visiting over the summer, we did them with them, too. What a powerful tradition. Now I whisper to my son each night before I put him in bed, saying what I'm thankful for and what I bet he is thankful for (yesterday: a playdate with a friend who shared her Cheerios, and new library books about trains and garbage trucks). It will be really fun to keep doing this as he grows up. Thanks, Aunt Julie and Uncle Steve, for giving me the idea!
Happy Thanksgiving to everyone. I am headed home to Michigan. Joy!
The new rule in effect
I already have two garbage bags full of clothes ready to go, and I haven't even finished tackling the closet yet! Someone decided not to take a full nap yesterday (boo). (See yesterday's post for what I'm up to if you're confused). Some things were hard to decide on like pajamas, since I have a lot of them that I like and really would wear in front of my in-laws. However, I forced myself to play favorites with my clothes, and I try not to listen when I hear them calling to me from inside the garbage bag.
I decided the rule was more helpful than my old one about just giving away the things I haven't worn in a year, because there were some clothes hanging around that I do wear, but they just aren't that great. I must know this deep down because as soon as I asked myself if I would really take them on vacation, I knew I would not, and out they went. My best example is a white t-shirt with a pink heart on it. I do wear it under sweaters sometimes, and I like it for Valentine's Day, so I started to put it back in my drawer. Then I thought about it: If I were going on vacation in February, would I take this for the 14th? Or would I take the soft pink sweater and a white t-shirt from Ann Taylor? No contest. Goodbye, heart shirt.
A conundrum: what does one do with unwanted underwear? No one else is going to buy or wear it, but that's a lot of perfectly good fabric to throw out. If I am honest with myself, I will NEVER use it, even if I cut it up and pretend I will do something with the usable scraps. So I think that goes into the garbage bag unless anyone has other ideas.
That reminds me, I always feel a little guilty about donating clothes in a garbage bag as though they are trash, when really most of them just aren't my favorites or don't fit me. But there's nothing so easy for this kind of decluttering than trash bags, so I guess I just have to be grateful there are people who work for Good Will who take it out of the bags, sort it, and make it look nice in the store.
I'll head back to the closet this afternoon and see what's left when the purging is done. Then perhaps it will be time to schedule my shopping spree. Black Friday is coming up!
I decided the rule was more helpful than my old one about just giving away the things I haven't worn in a year, because there were some clothes hanging around that I do wear, but they just aren't that great. I must know this deep down because as soon as I asked myself if I would really take them on vacation, I knew I would not, and out they went. My best example is a white t-shirt with a pink heart on it. I do wear it under sweaters sometimes, and I like it for Valentine's Day, so I started to put it back in my drawer. Then I thought about it: If I were going on vacation in February, would I take this for the 14th? Or would I take the soft pink sweater and a white t-shirt from Ann Taylor? No contest. Goodbye, heart shirt.
A conundrum: what does one do with unwanted underwear? No one else is going to buy or wear it, but that's a lot of perfectly good fabric to throw out. If I am honest with myself, I will NEVER use it, even if I cut it up and pretend I will do something with the usable scraps. So I think that goes into the garbage bag unless anyone has other ideas.
That reminds me, I always feel a little guilty about donating clothes in a garbage bag as though they are trash, when really most of them just aren't my favorites or don't fit me. But there's nothing so easy for this kind of decluttering than trash bags, so I guess I just have to be grateful there are people who work for Good Will who take it out of the bags, sort it, and make it look nice in the store.
I'll head back to the closet this afternoon and see what's left when the purging is done. Then perhaps it will be time to schedule my shopping spree. Black Friday is coming up!
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